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The Drama of a Sad Box [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ Userinfo | Cutting My Wrists on Paper ]
[ Archive | More Waves of Emo ]

Panels... Angry Debates.... and Clownboats [Feb. 5th, 2010|05:09 am]
[Current Mood |amusedAlways Amused]
[Current Music |Thursday - Tomorrow I'll Be You]

So…. two entries in a row after 7 weeks of silence…. oh my… world upside down.

Diversity PanelCollapse )

Deathmatch: Jews vs. Catholics…. Thanks SithyCollapse )

Oh Tony….. You Were The Best RA EverCollapse )

So yeah… enough for now… it’s 5 AM… definitely time for sleep. Also…. roommate is gone for the night…. YAY WIN VICTORY SPAZ!!!!
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Another Day as a Graduate Assistant? [Feb. 4th, 2010|03:02 am]
[Current Mood |exhaustedWho Doesn't Love 11 Hour Days?]
[Current Music |Queen - Dreamer's Ball]

Wow… it’s been 7 weeks since a Jason lj update. I think that’s the longest time I’ve ever gone without an update. it’s shocking. Mostly a lack of time. Graduate school is a lot of work. A lot. Plus…. just not feeling like a whole lot to go on about. Classes are class-like… my job sucks… my boss is the bitch-elemental… the worst mother in the history of the world…. and lists middle child as her ethnicity. So yeah… random update time go!

I Am Officially A Professional Caterer… Need a Wedding DoneCollapse )

Why Are You Here Again… I Thought You’d Gone To HellCollapse )

Worst Mother Ever? YesCollapse )

Boys…. and Some Complaining… But Not About Boys… I Don’t Complain About BoysCollapse )

So yeah… 3 AM… should probably cut it off…. God knows I could talk about tons more stuff from previous… like being called into speak to the Dean of Students and shit… but maybe I’ll get to that another time.
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Lies I Tell You.... All Lies! [Dec. 13th, 2009|10:43 am]
[Current Mood |amusedAmused]

Apparently I'm mediocre at life. Though my zero on love is accurate... like I have the time to get anywhere in that department... and the mediocrity towards body.... which will be accurate as long as I'm fat..... the rest is hogwash. My mind is a clear 10. My spirit also a 10.. I think they're prejudiced against my atheism. And my friends/family at 5.3.... total crap. I'm very happy with both. I protest these results. I'm writing to my congressman.

This Is My Life, Rated
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2009|02:25 am]
I Want
I Love
I Hurt

I haven’t felt this empty inside in a long time. Haven’t written a private journal entry since may 3rd… had to check on that shit. Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Sometimes I wonder if Buddhism really does just have it all figured out. Sometimes I think misery is all I’ll have. Sometimes I think none of my dreams will ever come true. Sometimes I think the only dream I want to come true won’t so none of the others matter.

I’ll be 26 in a week. My mother is getting a diocesan award for service to the Church. I want to sit alone in the dark and listen to music for the rest of the night.
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Important Updates..... MUST READ!!!!! [Oct. 22nd, 2009|01:13 am]
[Current Mood |crankyMy Boss Is Evil]
[Current Music |Absolute Silence]

So yeah... out of curiosity from talking to Shawn.... decided to count my journal.

816 Entries
1422 Pages (Single Spaced)
895,860 Words
2,827,073 Characters (No Spaces)

Yeah..... YAY ME!
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My Life So Far....... Anyone Want to Trade? I Can Pay You $0.89? [Oct. 14th, 2009|01:16 am]
[Current Mood |frustratedFUCK EVERYTHING]
[Current Music |Armin van Buuren - State of Trance 420 (9-3-09)]

So like… it’s been like 3 weeks or so since my last entry. I think facebook has been bad for me… it’s corrupted me and I spend more time updating that than doing anything on lj. Tis a great shame. However… I’ve not forgotten the benefit of lj… where I can rant in detail on the things I can only barely hint at on facebook thanks to character limits per update. Like who does that? I should be able to make my stats and damn long as I want. Sometimes I think in hundred page run-ons. Discrimination is cruel.

So…. what do I want to go into more detail on….. how much I hate my life. It’s weird. Like… normally… I hate my life and then get depressed and miserable and really unhappy. I mope and take comfort in books and video games and retreat from the world. I wallow in the depression and eventually get better. But now… I fucking hate my life. I want to kill it. But somehow… I’m deliriously happy anyways. I don’t get it. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to become depressed or emo. Goddamn it I just want to be blorn. It that so wrong? But….. it’s just no there. I’m all happy and cheery and shit… despite serious active hatred of so much right now. I hate my classes, I hate my professors, I hate my boss more than I’ve ever hated anything in the world, I hate my job so much, I’m single and dateless, I can’t stand my roommate who I don’t even speak to, I hate my living situation. There’s so much to be blorn about…. but no blorn. Just happy go lucky whateverness. I think I might have achieved the like infinite happiness state of some kind of mystic connection with the non-existent God or something. But… even if I can’t get emo or depressed or sad… I certainly can get angry and filled with rage… so here’s a healthy dose of that. I will assure you it’s not misplaced…. my boss deserves it and then some.

The Hug of DeathCollapse )

I Have Never Been So Rudely Treated In My LifeCollapse )

I Do Not Do Community Service…. Also My Classes SuckCollapse )

Roommate… Dating… Books… TV… Some Suck.. Some MehCollapse )

Yeah…. so that’s a wrap folks. Also… my coworker’s husband is a photoshoot producer. Just did a shoot with Kidman and then Miley Cyrus. Is quite sought after in Hollywood. He absolutely hates the job… hate’s being all fake and Hollywood but he’s incredibly good and makes big bucks.. so hard to say no. I want to like meet him and tag along some time. If he ever did like a Sprouse shoot I’d just die. I could just die. I could just die. I could just die. Flowers everywhere. Bells. Planes flying overhead with rainbow exhaust. It’s just like everyone you meet in this place has some Hollywood connections.. it’s insane.

But yeah… now it is officially done. I feel good. I mean… I still hate my job and my boss and my classes and shitty midterms and my roommate… but man it’s been a while since I got to be all reflective and just let it all out. I love you journal for being by sounding board and place to bitch and whine to my heart’s content. So yeah…. time to go do massive homework and shit.
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I'm Too Pissed for a Creative Title [Sep. 19th, 2009|09:08 pm]
[Current Location | It Can't Detect My Location]
[Current Mood |pissed offFucking Irate]
[Current Music |John Peel Festive Fifty - 1982 - The Specials - Ghost Town]

I just had a very upsetting phone conversation with my mother. I hung up on her. I was that upset.

So it had started out harmlessly, her texting me about the ducks at the cottage. Then it was about the Knights Templar and her wanting to know more about them and being upset by a movie about them and how the Church had eradicated them despite the Knights being religious men. So finally she called because I kept sending her blunt texts about the Church’s despicable actions during that time… but hello… it’s the medieval church…. all they did was be despicable. So it moved on from that to talking about religion and church and beliefs and just went into the same areas as always.

She believes so strongly in her church and her faith, and I take issue that she believes in something she knows nothing about and that it’s naïve to give such blanket belief and faith to something you know nothing about. She wants everyone to feel exactly how she does when she’s at mass and that’s why she teaches and tries to convert people. I take great offense at conversion because I don’t want it and most people don’t. There are a lot of people who don’t care and just don’t want to believe in it. Moreover there are people that just never will be able to because it’s illogical to believe in miracles and a guy that died 2000 years ago as still living.

From here it went off into an uncomfortable direction of her telling me of her belief that God is always with her and guiding her and etc. and how she wants everyone to have that. It moved to me explaining why I can’t ever accept her God… because of the suffering inflicted on me personally and on the world. She went typical Catholic and said that maybe the answer was just around the corner, that I’d find the higher purpose to my suffering. And I got pissed. I fucking hate that. I fucking hate any religion that tries and justify suffering as a good thing or as God’s guiding hand. Suffering is inexcusable to me and a God that allows it is equally inexcusable. So I told her that I had found my answer, that God does not exist. And she had the nerve to tell me I hadn’t found my answer, that I was still searching and hadn’t come to it. I was just so pissed. My answer was only right if it was her, if I believed in her God. I tried to point this out to her and she refused to listen and just kept saying that I hadn’t found it yet. I told her once more that I was happy and loved my life and that I had found both my peace and my answer in the non-existence of God and she just refused to listen and told me I was wrong and hadn’t found the right answer yet. I hung up. I just got so angry.

She was probably drunk. Her logic was certainly drunk logic. But it’s hard to tell.. whenever she talks about religion she might as well be drunk. All I know is that it’s Saturday and I’m fucking pissed and want to kill something. I’m so angry and frustrated and want to either punch the wall until there’s no skin left or curl into a ball and cry until I have nothing left to give. I should probably just drink. Alcohol would be the more sensible path?

Fuck everything. Fuck religion and the concept of God for screwing up the goddamned world so much and creating such mindless armies of zombies. In honor of my Richard who I see so little now….. Fuck it.
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100 Truths About Me... Some of Them Are Startlingly Unremarkable. [Aug. 29th, 2009|08:50 pm]
[Current Location |Los Angeles]
[Current Mood |apatheticApathetic]
[Current Music |French Trance Radio... I Might Have Mentioned That...]

1. Last beverage: Pepsi… and not even diet.. stupid cafeteria is out of diet.
2. Last phone call: Abby Leagues!!!
3. Last text message: Shawn?... Maybe Abby.
4. Last song you listened to: Got a French trance Radio station rocking right now… otherwise Colors by FLOW
5. Last time you cried: For real… like I think it’s been over a year. I mean… wow… what a change from the emo whiny bitch I used to be. From watching sad movies… like Boys Don’t Cry…. maybe spring.

6. Dated someone twice: Nah… I get out of there before it gets too serious.
7. Been cheated on: No… though I have been the one someone cheated with.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it?: Kinda.
9. Lost someone special?: Not really.
10. Been depressed?: Obviously.
11. Been dumped?: Actually no. Most people are too repulsed to look at me twice… and those that aren’t… seem to want to stick around.

12. Black
13. Hot Pink
14. White

15. Made new friends: Yes.
16. Fallen out of love: Not so much.
17. Laughed until you cried: Almost.
18. Met someone who changed you: No.. I’m pretty me by now.
19. Found out who your true friends were: In a way… yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Does my boss blaming me for her failures count?
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list: Yes, and failed to kiss and tell about it too.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 8 of 11… if I count Steve and Eric who are on mine but on whose I am now… 10 of 13.
23. How many kids do you want to have: One or two… no more probably… and I don’t know if I could handle a girl… would probably want a boy/boys.
24. Do you have any pets: No… my parents have the cats… I miss them.. God they’re 11 as of this fall.
25. Do you want to change your name: No… most people don’t get it right anyway… I’m thinking of you Dick England.. wait… why am I thinking of him… so many better people to think of…. mmmm… Tom…. mmmmmmm.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Uhm… had work… and class? Maybe had a beer in celebration by myself.
27. What time did you wake up today: 10:15 AM… serious problems with that.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Actually playing some Bejeweled imitation because I have no tv and no video games and no stuff in my little crap hole of a room. My stuff will eventually trickle it’s way in… though I had to man up and buy a tv… which I did today.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: When my tv gets here. Also… when I get a PS3… I’ve long and hard battled over which system to get and finally decisively decided today to get a PS3 when I purchase something.
30. Last time you saw your father: Wednesday at 4:20 AM when he dropped me off for my fun trip.
32. What are you listening to right now: French Trance Radio… all good.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Mmmmmm….. Tom ….. mmmmmmm. (In my head I’m all the furies and being all… Mmmm… Angel). So yeah…. Tom King is a total sweetheart.
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: My iPod. I charge it and it lasts for like 1 hour before it’s completely dead whether I play it or not. It just suddenly got all fucked up and I don’t know why. I didn’t drop it or spill on it or anything… it just ceased to work… but it is an iPod. They do that.
36. What's your real name: Josh? Justin? Jeremy?.... no wait… Jason.
38. Zodiac sign: Scorpio… matches my ring bitches.
39. Male or female: That’s up for debate. Physically… all male… emotionally…. questionable.
40. Elementary: Nauset Elementary for 1.5 months of 1st grade, then Forestdale School for 1-8.
41. Middle School: Forestdale School.
42. High school: Bishop Stang… yeah.. I’m a Stang-Banger.
43. Hair color: I’ll go with Auburn?
44. Long or short: Medium.
45. Height: 5’11”, but like 6’8” in my boots.
46. Do you have a crush on someone?: Always… but I go through boycrushes like Mrs. Keavy goes through Burger King.. oh wait… no one on here gets that….. but lets just say she was 4’x4’ and her entire car was filled with Burger King wrappers. So yeah… Colin being my latest and dearest boycrush.. I’m sure I’ll find plenty of new ones at school… one of the really hot undergrads is here as a grad student now… so sucks that I couldn’t room with him.
47. What do you like about yourself? Nothing.
48. Piercings: Ears.
49. Tattoos: None for now… but we shall see.
50. Righty or lefty: Righty all the way… I’m not sinister.

51. First surgery: Maybe for my broken arm when I was a kid… if not then it’d have to be like dental surgery a few years ago.
52. First piercing: Ear…. like 3-4 years ago.
53. First tattoo: Will be Revelation Jesus… maybe.
54. First best friend: Nick Caruso
55. First sport you joined: Baseball.. I sucked at it hardcore.. I really was lost in left field.
56. First pet: Jenna, Scruffy, and Camille… all little kitties… except Scruffy… he was 26 lbs…. nothing little about that.
57. First vacation remembered: The vacation from hell.. I even wrote a story and presented it to my class… our car broke down on the highway so we never got to the amusement park we were aiming for.. got stuck in a shitty hotel.. the car took like 3 days to fix.. we were all bored to tears… someone got really sick… then we finally did get going and something else happened.
58. First concert: Ozzfest… fun times.
59. First crush: My first self-aware crush…. always and ever Caleb Morgan. Before high school I thought boys were cute, but didn’t get it… so it wasn’t much of a crush… more of a jack off at night about. Caleb…. he was the first person I ever really crushed on.
60. First love: Toss up… Caleb was my first puppy love… I was too young then to really understand love. Dan! was my first real love. One of these days I’m gonna find someone that like… loves me…. one of these days… I swear it.

61. Listening to music
62. Doing this before getting back to journaling.
63. Sitting in my office because the internet connection in my room is that atrocious.
64. Feeling the floor vibrate because there is some crazy noise going on down below.
65. Drinking not diet soda dammit and waiting for Abby to call me and say she is back from home and has my fan…. goddamn I need my fan.

66. Want kids?: Didn’t we already ask this.. I want boys.. delicious boys… oh wait… wrong answer… uhm… yeah… I think I would like kids.
67. Want to get married: Fuck yeah… it’s an MA pride thing and a throw it in the face of the RCC thing… marriage is a must… no shitty town hall or eloping crap… there’s gonna be high ceremony and I’m gonna invite every priest I know.
68. Careers in mind?: Professional Rapist. If that doesn’t pan out…. Mentor to Sexually Confused and Vulnerable Teens?.... probably wouldn’t work either. TEACHER, BABY!!!! I’m not spending all this money for nothing… at least I’m not intending to… it may work out that way and I become a professional PED or something…. I could be the next Matt Mitchell... I would enjoy the job and all… the pay sucks… and a lot of stores aren’t nearly as awesome as mine… but yeah… teacher.

69. Lips or eyes: Eyes… I am big at staring into eyes… lips are one of the features I least notice.
70. Hugs or kisses: I’m not overly experienced in kissing.. so it hasn’t made an impression on me… whereas I love hugging people.. I hug everyone.
71. Shorter or taller: I truly don’t give a crap.
72. Older or Younger: I truly don’t give a crap as long as they’re under 18. Oh wait…. that would mean younger. No… I don’t care that much… sure a younger guy is all… appealing… and truth is I get along better with guys younger than me, but as long as the age gap isn’t too much, I’m not that picky.
73. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous… I’m romantic enough. I like spontaneity. But it’s not necessary and I can definitely be swayed by romance.
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: Meh… both are really hot.
75. Tattoos or piercings: Tough call. I like piercings… especially certain parts… it can be really hot. But tattoos can be fun too.
76. Sensitive or loud: Loud. Or Sensitive. I like both a lot.
77. Hook-up or relationship: No brainer. I want a relationship. Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a hook up for the fun release it is… it’s never the ideal.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant: Both once again. I’ve always had a thing for douches and bad boys, but the hesitant and awkward can also make my knees melt.

79. Kissed a stranger: No.
80. Fell on the head: No.
81. Lost glasses/contacts: Silly people and they’re glasses. Glasses are unpatriotic.
82. Had sex on first date: No. I’ve had sex without the date part… but if I’m dating… it’s something serious enough that I’m hesitant to go right into the sex… unless the guy is that hot and the chemistry is just that intense. but I haven’t had that as of yet.
83. Broken someone’s heart: Usually mine… but kind of here and there.
84. Had your own heart broken: Yeah… I’m good at that. I wear my heart on my sleeves and it gets damaged.
85. Been arrested: No… but I have gotten a ride home in a squad car. Walking home from work at midnight on streets with no lights… not advised.
86. Turned someone down: Yes.
87. Cried when someone died: No. At least not anyone real.
88. Broken a bone: Mah Wristy.

89. Yourself: Very much so… I am what I believe in… fuck everyone else.
90. Miracles: No.
91. Love at first sight: Ish.
92. Heaven: No.
93. Santa Claus: More than God?
94. Angels: Very No.
95. Kissing on the first date: It’s fine… I just don’t like being forced into it.

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Yes. Probably always.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: No… though I’m not opposed to that in theory as long as everyone is okay with it… though I’m pretty sure I couldn’t handle it.
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? My parents have for 26 years… my grandparents for over 50… so yeah.
99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without?: Boys. A world without boys to look at would just cripple me. Funny thing is.. this summer early on… there were like no cute boys left at my store and I was so unhappy working there… it sucked…. like PED I need my candy.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?: Well.. they are 100 truths.

Now, it's your turn! Copy this and paste it in your LJ and answer the questions (if you want)
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Otter Creek Vermont Lager brought to you by JasonLieksBeeeeeeer [Aug. 22nd, 2009|03:26 am]
[Current Mood |accomplishedQuite Brilliant]

Head: Tiny. Really hard to see through the glass bottle… I’d give it maybe 2 milimeters. Maybe if I shake it up…. oh God… too much head… too much head… my head’s exploded all over my counter. That can’t be good.

Aroma: Well… my nose doesn’t smell too good but here goes. Hmmmm… a hint of hops and yeast and beery aroma… and some coconut…… no wait.. that’s the bottle of suntan lotion next to it.

Taste: Delicious. The more I drink the better it tastes. It’s very sour and beer-like… not as hoppy as I like. Needs more bunnies... and more complexity. Maybe if I shred some Sudoku into it it might help. But I can almost taste the coconut… but that’s just because I still have the damn scent in my mouth… stupid sunscreen.

Mouthfeel: Liquidy. Kind of like drinking water…. nope… more like soda… has a slight carbonation feel to it. Also… kind of cold… like it’s been refrigerated… which it has. I don’t drink my beer warm… I’m not English.

This beer is quite serviceable. I could drink it and keep it down.. and it certainly served the purpose of getting me drunk.. did take a whole 6 pack… maybe they need to work on that. The label has a lame light green Vermont landscape on it… they could improve it… make it flashier. Also… it could use something unique… like a little of the sunscreen… might not be the healthiest… but that hint of coconut really did make the beer better.

Cost: $8.49 for 6 12oz bottles, making it $0.117916666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666 per oz.

BA public: B, BA bros: B+, (They really have no idea what they’re talking about on this beer)
My score: 38.3675520, F- Seriously… not enough coconut.
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I Almost Died... Not Really... But My Mother Sure Thinks I Almost Did [Jul. 2nd, 2009|12:55 am]
[Current Mood |soreMan Down!]
[Current Music |Silence.... Unless the Throbbing Counts as Music]

I had surgery... two teeth removed... one was a wisdom tooth the size of Mt. Rushmore... all the staff wanted to keep it to show off to other dentists.... but it was so huge I wanted to keep it myself... it took over 45 minutes to get out... and caused a lot of pain.

There was lots of blood... and fun... as the other tooth was stuck between two other teeth and was tricky to get out.

The trip home was miserable... my mother can't drive.. she jostled me constantly slamming on breaks for no reason... and had the heat on maximum to defrost the windshield... which didn't work. It was like 100 degrees in the car... which did not help me.

So I got home... took out the gauze... and then blood started spurting out of my nose and my mouth. And I mean spurting like crazy out nose and mouth and down my throat... and I was with my mother... who panicked and was completely useless in a crisis... all crying and standing around... I had to yell at her to do each thing and yelling only made her cry more... but blood was gushing out of me and all over my room and kitchen and sink and all over towels.... and I had to yell to carry my voice across the piles of towels all over my face.

So... I had to go all the way back to Falmouth... like a 30-40 minute drive in the miserable sauna box. They then proceeded to take out all of the stitchwork for the one on my upper jaw... searched around... discovered a small vein they nicked in my sinus while getting out the wisdom tooth... which if left alone would've caused me to bleed out. So then they fixed it and sewed me up again.

I made my father drive me home instead. I was not driving with my mother.

Now I'm..... in an incredible amount of pain. The left side of my face is the size of a soccerball. I'm taking double doses of vicodin.... which helps some with the pain... and makes me kind of...... very out of it. There's still blood all over my hands.... haven't gone to wash it off. There also still blood all over my desk... haven't washed that off either.

Now I'm trying to eat... it's not pleasant... yogurt and cottage cheese.... both of which are a goddamn struggle to get in my mouth and swallow. And I'm usually good at swallowing creamy substances.... I guess not so much with a giant swollen face and a gaping hole where I used to have a ridiculously sized and three pronged claw of a wisdom tooth. I think I'm gonna make the tooth into a necklace or something.

I have work Friday... I'm guessing I'm gonna be a mess... but hopefully I'll be well enough to go in.

I think that's all for now.... I'm not even sure why I'm writing.... just taking a break from trying to eat and no tv is on that I want to watch... I think I'm gonna break out some Avatar... I need something easy to watch that I have. Honestly... what I want to watch most is Suite Life... which has become one of my favorite shows ever. I mean... it's not anything good... sure the Sprouses are fucking drop dead gorgeous..... but mostly... the show is just plain silly senseless goofy fun with a bit of heart mixed in and just hits the spot when I want to lie down and not have to pay much attention. Plus.. yeah.... looking at Sprouses is...... something I could do for a living... professional Sprouse looker atter.

I'd probably just go to sleep if I could... but I need to stay up for at least 2 more hours to take the next dose of my antibiotic.

So yeah.... Flehbeh.
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